Playing and staying at Pine Valley

Eight years ago when I started playing golf I would not have broken 120 at Pine Valley. Nor would I have appreciated the greatness of the course. It’s no accident Pine Valley has been consistently ranked as the number 1 golf course in the world for more than 25 years, once or twice trading the top spot with Cypress Point or Augusta. But those reasons aren’t readily apparent to the novice golfer and would not have been apparent to me when I first took up the game. I’m glad I got a chance to play Pine Valley with a decent game and a decent golf history.

For the experienced and well-traveled golfer with a single digit handicap (or a fake 13 handicap like my guest — more on that later), Pine Valley is golfing nirvana. Golf and nothing else, but golf at its pinnacle.

Getting Invited

I’ve read before that the chances of getting invited to play Pine Valley are roughly equivalent to getting an invitation to a private dinner at the White House. I’m not quite sure I believe that, for a couple of reasons. First, my personal invitation came purely by happenstance and lucky coincidence rather than decades of work and toil and favors traded.

Second, Pine Valley may be the most unpretentious-yet-perfect place in the golfing world.

Pine Valley is perfect in its imperfections, it’s beautiful but approachable, it’s the best-and-it-knows-it’s-the-best-but-doesn’t-act-like-it-which-makes-it-even-cooler-it’s-the-number-one-course-in-the-freaking-world-for-a-reason.

Pine Valley is chill.

The Appetizer

I fly into Philly early a.m. to meet with a new client over lunch. We met for 45 minutes and I swear every word out of his mouth was “Pine Valley Pine Valley Pine Valley Pine Valley.” I ended our lunch meeting promptly at 2 so I could drive to Princeton, N.J. to pick up Dale “Not A SandBagger But A Dump Truck Full of Sand” (real named changed to protect the innocent) who had flown in the night before to meet a new client of his in New Jersey.

We make the short drive from Princeton, New Jersey to Pine Valley, N.J. and as we get within a mile or two I swear we are lost until we see a run down classic East Coast shut-down amusement park. Dale and I have both been told that when we see the rickety old amusement park we know we are getting close.

Approaching the gates you feel kind of like you do at Augusta, it’s densely wooded and not in the best part of New Jersey (is there a “best part” of New Jersey?). There is not even a hint of a golf course — let alone a great course — even after you pass through the entrance. The property is huge, and as you enter into it you are in the New Jersey woods but could just as easily be in the North Carolina woods or the forests of the Great Northwest

We make our way to our house (we are staying on property) which is a golfer’s dream. Four golf carts parked in front with four comfortable rooms and a nice living room in the center of the building, and, best of all, a 6 hole putting green in the backyard, with lighting for night putting (see photo above).

The Short Course

We meet our co-host Brian and head to the short course, a 10-hole par three course (there’s one par 4 mixed in) which perfectly replicates the approach shots you’ll be hitting tomorrow. Dale and I lay down a one shirt bet and I smoke him like fine Cuban cigar, he hits zero greens on a par 3 course and makes two lucky up-and-downs for par or it would have been worse for him.

At the conclusion of the 10 holes we’re met by our PV member and co-host who encourages us to play an emergency 3 whereupon Dale makes three straight pars and I almost lose a shirt but I drain a 10 footer to halve the emergency three.

Dinner

Dinner is at the clubhouse which is Hampton-esque white wood throwback with a dining room that maybe seats 40 and all members donning green PV jackets ala Augusta. Coat and tie required and we have a nice dinner featuring mini-Philly cheesesteak appetizers with table lobster and ribeyes for our main course with a nice bottle of wine.

Former VP Dan Quayle is sitting 5 feet away with his PV jacket on and Dale and Mr. Vice President Quayle regale each other with stories of Doug Sanders’ womanizing. The VP is gracious and friendly like everyone else at Pine Valley and we head back to our rooms in our golf carts with bellies full of good food and wine and butterflies for tomorrow.

Night Putting

Our co-host George breaks out the cigars and bourbon for a night putting contest where Dale replays his practice round in miniture by three putting the first two holes only to 1 or 2 putt the remaining 16 holes to take some money off our 4-handicap co-host while I three putt once and also take 5 bucks off our co-host however my five dollar win quickly finds its way into Dale’s pocket when I three putt my only hole of the evening after Dale distracts me by waiving a his putter shadow right in my line. We retire for the evening tired, well-fed, and excited for the Big Course tomorrow.

The Round

We wake up at 6:00 for our 8:20 tee time and head to the range to warm up. The range is the best range I’ve ever seen with the exception of Augusta’s practice range, and there are opportunities to hit every shot imaginable and warm-up properly which we do.

We head over and eat a quick breakfast at the clubhouse and then we’re off on time at 8:20 on a short par 4 dogleg right with two caddies looping two bags a piece on a sweltering hot humid New Jersey morning.

We play the middle tees and I make an easy par on hole number 1 while Dale cards a double then I hit a rough patch on the next 2 holes and make two doubles in a row while Dale plays solid bogey golf.

Dale and I end up carding joint 84s when the round is done although Dale’s alleged 14 handicap has me buying him a few shirts along with a pair of pink shorts that he cannot resist. I three putt 18 from 50 feet away which was disappointing after one putting 16 and 17 to save par, both from 10–15 feet away.

Dale would have shot 80 but he cards a triple midway through the round when he hits a shot over the green and can’t find his ball in the shrubbery then follows that up with a double.

Other than a few blowup holes Dale and I both play reasonably well and enjoy the experience immensely.

Pine Valley as a Golf Course

Each hole is set up as a standalone hole. You cannot see the rest of the course from any of the holes. The course is not manicured like Augusta but instead there’s a little bit of “wildness” to the course.

The course designer has optical illusions on every hole that make the relatively wide fairways seem narrow and the short 140 yard approach shots seem easy even though they aren’t.

The routing is superb as you wind yourself around the course where the architect has perfectly utilized the land which has elevation changes similar to Augusta. Unlike Augusta, though, the rough is truly rough and the bunkering is truly penal. There are no rakes at Pine Valley for the sand traps. The caddies tell us to simply clean our divots in the sand with our shoes and step on out. I carded 3 doubles and each time it was because I missed a shot into a bunker. And I’m a relatively good sand player.

Each hole is unique and has its own defenses. To take one example, on the front nine par 5 I hit a perfect drive center cut and have what appears to me to be a 190 yard carry over a waste area. I pull my 3 hybrid thinking I just need to get it over the waste area but my caddie cautions me against that club and encourages me to hit a 6 iron.

I ignore him (because I am an idiot mentally at golf but can’t help myself) and of course the doubt creeps into the swing and I worm-burn one into the waste area and have to punch out. When I get out of the waste area I see a narrow landing area to a raised green and realize why the caddie suggested 6. I should have listened. (Slams putter gently against hand in controlled rage).

Miss an approach shot on the wrong side of the green and a three putt is all but guaranteed. Miss a drive and you have almost no chance at par. Miss a green on the wrong side and double is your friend. There are only two par 5s, both unreachable, along with short and long par 4s and short and long par 3s. The 230 yard uphill narrow par 3 fifth hole has Dale with a driver and me with a hybrid and requires a lot of precision just to make a 4. (Dale chips it to 6 feet and makes a par, I end up pin-high in a bunker and make double).

We finish our round and enjoy a bowl of snapper soup and 20 minutes in the pro shop to buy merchandise and head back to the airport for the ride home.

Final Takeaways

I had heard that Pine Valley was a golf addict’s mecca. I’d also heard it was demonically hard.

Pine Valley is a golf mecca. Pine Valley is a confident golf club, with the caddies and waiters chatting casually with the members and telling jokes in a down-to-earth manner somewhat suprising for a course with its legendary history and pedigree. I felt welcome the entire time and the staff and membership I met were A++. Just great folks.

As to the second point — Is the course brutally hard? No doubt. Double digits play at your peril — good luck breaking 100. A real double-digit handicap has almost no chance of scoring well at Pine Valley. You could still enjoy the round, though, as long as you keep your expectations in check.

The course is so fair though. Just perfectly fair. It’s only penal in the way golf courses should be penal — miss your landing area off the tee, bye-bye par. Miss a green — bye-bye par. Hit one in a bunker? Dead unless you hit a terrific shot. Hit a green but on the wrong part of the green? Three Putt City.

However…….if you hit your landing area off the tee and hit your approach where your caddy tells you to hit it, and then concentrate on finishing your work on the green, you will make par. This is golf stripped to its essence. It’s golf as it is meant to be.

The green complexes are amazing, with rivulets and undulations and collection areas that necessitate precision into the greens and concentration while on the green. Dale and I both had a few putts of less than 20 feet where we were putting at right angles. I had a few shots into greens where on my caddie’s advice I intentionally layed up just a little short of the green rather than risk hitting it on the green but 10 feet short of the pin with spin yet see the ball trickle away to 70 feet.

It’s a great test of golf in a challenging but fair way. Dale and I had goals of breaking 90 which we both did handily. By contrast, our member-host who is a 4 handicap struggled off the tee and shot 89 (in his defense he was fighting a knee injury that day as well).

You need all facets of your game clicking to score well and Dale and I had just enough to score well on this day.

Having played Cypress Point and walked Augusta multiple times, I found myself inevitably comparing the three. To my mind they are all three unique and special. Cypress Point is a natural and geographic wonder to behold, a course shaped more by nature than man with 14 or 15 great holes. Augusta, by contrast, is man’s attempt at golfing perfection, man’s attempt to hold entropy and chaos at bay and create perfection on golfing Earth.

Pine Valley is a cross between the two, a course with 18 perfectly designed golfing holes but that has the confidence to allow nature to intrude a bit and which ultimately achieves perfection by being imperfect.